420 ftw
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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