I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
