I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
