I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
