well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
