Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
