I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
