Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
