do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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