Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
