I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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