Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
