I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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