When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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