FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
