Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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