What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
