A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
