Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is my gift to your gina
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
