I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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