Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
