I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
