these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
