I'm so fucking centered right now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
