I could make wine with my vomit
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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