Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
