Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
