He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is my gift to your gina
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
