She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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