so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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