...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize