There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
