i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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