Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
