Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
