Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
