Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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