my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
