Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
