I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
