Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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