What a fucking waste of an outfit
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
