My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
4 words: hood of his car
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
