At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
