i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
