There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
