my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
