I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
