I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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