I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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