then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
