don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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