the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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