I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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