if you like me you must not know who I am
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
